01 March 2006

Late Breaking News: Creation Subjected to Frustration

According to the eighth chapter of the Biblical book of Romans, written by the Apostle Paul, all of God's Green Earth has been "subjected to frustration." Experts interpret this God-inspired passage to indicate man's inherent sinfulness, beginning with the disobedience of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden near the dawn of time.

Even after the Lord Almighty instructed the only two humans in existence not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they did just that.

Since that time, scholars believe, the whole of creation has come under the same fatal curse as the humans, and additionally suffers the burden that six and a half billion sinners place upon it daily.

Romans further states that "the whole of creation has been groaning", presumably under such affliction, and "waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed" in the hope of likewise being "liberated from it's bondaged of decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God".

These portions of scripture bring discord from Know-it-Alls around the world, some giving credence to the Biblical promise of Christ's return to redeem those who believe in him, while still others remain convinced that it prophesies an enormous environmental summit of world leaders larger than any yet seen, resulting in the merging of all faiths, epic global policy reform and complete restorative effects in every corner of the earth.

In other news, I may be reading too much of The Onion.