29 September 2005

Will God be Good?

I'm well! I'm not sick anymore. Though the health of Team Taiwan in general has been spotty the whole time; since training, even. One of us heals whilst a different ailment pulls another asunder.

My Dad tells me that plenty of folks back home are reading and enjoying the blog! I'm so happy to hear this! Thanks so much for reading and praying. Please don't stop.

I was talking to my Mom this morning (though it was night there in Lodi) and something she asked has got me thinking: "Is there any big news?" There's no big news. As far as the blog is concerned, I realized that I only tend to make a post when big news does happen, or when I realize what God has been putting together.

Today's entry, then, is none of the above. Today's entry is the in-progress look at what is going on, from my little point of view, anyway. Picture hard hats and scaffolding.

We (Team Taiwan) are a month into teaching. We're starting to think that we know what we're doing, or at least, we know how to get through a day in the classroom and avoid pandemonium. I may not be able to speak on everyone's behalf, but I know that I am just getting by on the seat of my pants. I get by because I happen to realize, a split second before it does, that the kindergartners' attention span is about to run dry. This is when I make everyone stand up and shake different parts of their bodies.

I'm getting used to living with everybody, and living here on the campus of the school. I find this difficult, mostly because the campus is not centrally located or even in a city and my means of transportation is a bicycle. I can appreciate the monkey wrench this throws into my quest for independence, thereby carving out a handy niche for "interdependence", but not without a little bit of frustration. It's even difficult to put aside time for a trip to the grocery store, much less the engineering involved in bringing back said groceries.

Most of all, though, I often doubt my progress in bringing the Gospel. I know, I know: who can let their light shine when they're always busy throwing themselves pity parties? The truth is, this is the bulk of the obstacle right now. It's not the inexperience or the campus-fishbowl or the bicycle or any other scapegoat I might conjure up. It's me. It's the talents hidden in the ground. It's the fact that I wake up every morning without the solid assurance that God Will Be Good.

Pete, my father, has some instructions hanging up in his office for "How to be miserable". The first of them is to disobey God.

Didn't God give us multiple promises and evidences of his goodness? Didn't Jesus tell us that we were worth more to the Lord than sparrows, who get their needs met every day? Doesn't he offer the desires of our hearts to anyone who will just open their hands?